July 28

10 Messaging Tips for Online Dating

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Sending Messages While Online Dating - 10 Tips

You need these online dating messaging tips to get the most out of your dating site or dating app. A great icebreaker is how you make a lasting first impression and improve your chances of getting a date.

Thanks to our smartphones and online instant chatting, most of our communication is through text these days. It is quick, simple and gives you more time to think of a response.

We are used to texting with someone that we already know but texting someone we have never met before is a little different. They may not understand your tone of voice or sense of humor yet - even with those that know us some of these nuances may get lost in text.

Also, how do you start an online conversation with someone you have never met before? What are the unwritten rules? What gets their attention and what makes them click away your profile?

We cover everthing you need to know about online dating messaging. Here are our top tips for the best icebreakers and how to get to know someone through text.

Table of Contents

The Do's

The specific content of your conversation depends on the two of you but there are a few proven ways to spark interest. Follow these online messaging tips to get the conversation going.

If there profile says they love movies, ask them which new release they are most excited about.

If they have a vacation photo, ask them what was the highlight of their trip.

If you spot a common interest, tell them you’re a fan too followed by a question making them choose between two options.

Starting with a question gives them more to work with than just a simple ‘hi’ or ‘hello’. Commenting on something on their profile also shows genuine interest.

Show Interest: Ask the Questions Back

Conversations are a two way street. If they are asking you a question chances are that they want you to ask them the same thing.

If they are asking you a question, follow up with a simple ‘how about you?’ This way you are not hogging the conversation and showing that you are not self-centered.

If you notice that you are the one asking all the questions, move on to someone else. Chances are that they aren’t very interested and are only replying to be polite.

Spell It Out: Type Correctly

We all use shorthand sometimes but when it comes to messaging on dating apps and sites it is better to use correct spelling. Even if you use it yourself sometimes, it doesn’t make for a very good first impression.

Wrong spelling and bad grammar are actually very common turnoffs. So, if you type an icebreaker with mistakes, you might never get a reply.

It may seem like something superficial but we really do pass judgement simply on their language skills. To avoid being ignored immediately, stick to the proper spelling and grammar.

Be Patient: Give Them Time to Reply

Some dating apps and dating sites show you when someone is online and some even provide read receipts. Although this is useful information, it is no reason to bombard someone with messages.

Give the person the time to think of a good reply. Even if they are shown as online, they might be busy with something or someone else.

Sending lots of messages just to get their attention is not a good move. It makes you seem pushy and impatient - not someone you want to entertain on a dating site.

Go For It: Ask Them Out on a Casual Date

Once you get comfortable with messaging on dating platforms, it might be a little too much fun. In other words, don’t forget that the messaging is there to get a real life date.

If you have been having a great conversation online, chances are that you will click in real life, too. Just ask them out for a cup of coffee or drinks and find out if the conversation flows in person, as well.

Online conversations that last for days or even weeks without a date are rarely a good sign. There is a chance they aren’t into real dates or they are not who they claim to be.

The Don'ts

Some tactics just don’t work. They either don’t translate well to text or are simply not okay to do. These are the don’ts of online dating messaging.

The Absolute Don’ts: No Pet Names / No Sex Talk (Right off the bat)

Very few people can get away with giving us a pet name. They have to either be your lover, parents or a close friend - not someone that found your profile 2 minutes ago.

It is not a good sign when someone immediately addresses you with a cringey pet name like ‘cutie’ or ‘sexy’. It’s an even worse sign when they immediately steer the conversation towards sex talk.

When someone does it to you, you get instant creeper vibes so don’t do it to anyone else, either. The only exception is if you are on a hookups only dating site and everyone on there knows it is all about the sex.

Stay Kind: Never Insult the Other Person

You might kid around with your friends but negative comments are not a good move when you are messaging someone on a dating app. It quickly makes the vibe feel hostile and that is not how you get a date.

Have you ever had a guy or girl message you on a dating app just to point out your flaws? It is hurtful and the opposite of what dating apps are for.

If you have nothing nice to say to a person that messaged you, just cut the conversation short in a polite way. There is no need to hurt their feelings, just like you don’t want a troll messaging you.

It’s Not a Monologue: Don’t Write Long Blocks of Text

As mentioned earlier, messaging on dating sites is a two-way street. The conversation needs to be balanced.

So, avoid the long blocks of text just talking about yourself and your experiences. Even if they ask you a deeper question, keep it lighthearted and simple.

Ask them as many questions as they are asking you. It’s about getting to know each other, not one person doing all the typing.

Also, chatting with someone that doesn’t reveal much about themselves is a red flag. If they are constantly asking you questions and brushing off the questions you have for them, they might be hiding something.

Be Original: Don’t Send an Impersonal Mass Message

Have you ever noticed you get the same message as your friends? That person is probably using a standard first message that they are sending to everyone.

This is an immediate turnoff. It makes it seem like they are just gambling and not really interested in a true connection.

As mentioned in the do’s list, start your conversation with something specific to their profile. Don’t be the person that ends up getting caught for sending everyone the very same message.

Leave a Bad Conversation: Don’t Get Angry, Just Close

Unfortunately, there is a chance you get a few trolls in your inbox. Don’t give these people the time of day, just click it away and block them.

There is no point in getting into it with a troll because it will escalate quickly. Just report them to the web admin so that they cannot bother other people like that.

If they say something that is truly unacceptable you can tell them what they are doing is not okay. However, don’t drag out the conversation or you will set yourself up for a heated pointless conversation. There are better people to talk to.

In Summary...

Messaging is one of the most fun aspects of online dating. It is a great way to get to know new people in a safer low-pressure environment.

The personal messages is how you get to know someone so leave a good impression. Stay kind, open-minded and encourage a two-way conversation to find out if there is potential for a real-life date.

Follow our tips on the best do’s and don’ts of online dating messaging to get the most out of your online profile. Have fun messaging and more fun dating.

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